When I graduated college, I moved in with my family while I was looking for a job. I got a job working on an overnight shift and quickly became nocturnal (read: I slept 10 hours a day and worked another 10). Being a broke college graduate with monumental student loans to pay back you sort of take whatever comes along first. My youngest brother and sister began referring to me as The Dragon because they knew that if they were too loud I’d come out of my cave (and it was a cave for it was always dark due to the blackout curtains and blanket I added for the extra measure) and growl in what probably would have passed as one of the beasts of legend. What can I say; I get grumpy when I’m hungry or tired. Catch me on a day when I’m both and I’m pretty sure you’d rather take on my mythical counterpart instead. On the rare days when I didn’t have to work and I was conscious at the same time as the rest of the family, I thought it would be fun to teach my brother, then 12, how to make bread by hand.
Not a lot of people think to make homemade bread from scratch but my family loves a good hunk of fresh bread on occasion. Store bought is fine but nothing beats a warm loaf right out of the oven. You can use a bread maker and set it up to be ready just in time for dinner, and I have nothing against bread makers it’s the bread maker that has a problem with me. I cannot, for the life of me, make bread in a machine that doesn’t turn into anything other than a condensed, hard-as-a-rock, piece of something. My mom has watched me do it multiple times, making sure my ingredients are correct and everything is done the way it should be: The darn thing just won’t work for me. This could have something to do with my technology curse. Anything electronic starts acting weird around me and, given enough time, I can break it beyond repair just by staring at it. Some of my friends don’t let me touch their electronics period. Regardless of my curse, the truth of the matter is I’m probably the only person on the planet that can only make bread the old fashioned way. So I set out to teach my littlest brother how to as well.
For Christmas he had gotten me a Betty Crocker Breast Cancer cookbook and we flipped through to the bread section to find something yummy. We settled on Focaccia and set to work gathering all the ingredients. Since the bread needs a sponge, it has to be started the night before. So we set out the flour, water and yeast and let it do its thing. The next night we added the rest of the ingredients and started kneading it all together. My brother took to it like a pro and was kneading the bread as if he had been doing it for years. After he was finished, we set the dough aside in a covered bowl and I tell him now we wait for it to rise. He looked at me and asked me what I meant. I explained to him that the yeast is a living organism and as it digests some of the ingredients; it gives off gases that makes the bread rise and expand. He cocked his head to the side considering this and then looked me square in the eye, “so it’s farting bread?” Leave it up to a kid to break something down to its simplest form. “Yes, it is farting bread.”
And so I give you a very delicious farting bread!
Babycakes
The last time I decided to make this bread, I wanted to try adding herbs and give it some flavor. I had no idea what type of spices to use so I asked my friends and one told me about the Simon & Garfunkel album Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. He said he figured those spices went together well so we raided my spice cabinet. I had parsley, rosemary and thyme and added ½ tsp of each to the dough. It turned out very good!
*When preparing warm water for activating yeast, make sure the water is between 105۫ and 115۫F. Use a thermometer because if it’s not warm enough, it won’t activate and if it’s too hot it will kill the yeast
4 to 4 ½ cups all-purpose flour
½ cup warm water (105۫ to 115۫F)
1 tsp. Yeast
1 cup warm water (105۫ to 115۫F)
2 tsp. salt
1 Tbs. olive oil
Coarse Salt
Spices (fresh or dried)
To make the sponge (bread starter), combine ½ cup of flour with ½ cup of warm water and the yeast in a wooden bowl (wood works best and doesn’t leave the bread with a metallic taste). Mix together with a wooden spoon. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and store overnight at room temperature so it can ferment.
Gradually stir in 1 cup of warm water, 2 tsp. of salt, the spices and some of the flour. You want to add just enough flour so the dough begins to pull away from the sides. Lightly flour the surface of a counter and turn out the dough onto it. Knead enough of the remaining flour to create a stiff dough that is strong and smooth. This can take roughly 8-10 min. Grease a wooden bowl with butter or shortening and place the dough in it. Turn the dough to lightly coat with grease. Cover with a towel and let rise for about an hour until it has doubled in size.
Preheat oven to 475۫. Flour a baking sheet and place dough on top. Cover dough with the bowl and let rest for 30 min. Shape dough into a circle roughly 11 inches in diameter by pulling and pressing on it gently. Make sure you are careful not to disrupt any air bubbles in the dough.
Poke dough gently with your fingertips to create indents every 2 inches over the surface of the dough. Use a basting brush to spread olive oil over the top of the bread (or you can drizzle it on and use a paper towel to gently spread it around). Sprinkle with coarse salt and either leave bread on the baking pan or carefully slide onto a bread stone.
Bake for 15 to 20 minutes until the bread is light brown. Check bread after 8 min and pop any large bubbles that may have formed with a knife. Remove bread from the stone or baking sheet and cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Serve warm.
A Great Bread Dipping Sauce:
Oregano
Granulated Garlic
Dried Red Pepper
Salt
Pepper
Parmesan Cheese
Olive Oil
Mix equal parts oregano, garlic, red pepper, salt and pepper into a small, shallow dish. Add 1 Tbs. Parmesan cheese and stir together. Top with 2 Tbs. of olive oil and stir. Enjoy!